The Chronicles of My Scumbag Brain

It's nice to see how the axiom of continuity and things remaining constant stays true. What's annoying though, is how I see it applied to my blogging. I have a very constant pattern of only updating my blog whenever I'm procrastinating at something, and that shit has got to stop!

As always, I am procrastinating and keeping myself from studying for my impending exam (in a week!) and this is also the time my scumbag brain decides to remind me of the things I've always wanted to do.

"Remember how you were supposed to make that blog layout for someone? Well, no better time to start than today! Oh, and I see you haven't drawn a page in your sketchbook lately, you should do that soon! Meanwhile, Delirium's getting really exciting! You probably should read a few pages. Oops, I took the liberty of reading a few chapters. No big deal. Here, go watch The Avengers so you can feel better. But before that, let's watch Ken Jeong dancing on Ellen, 'cause that guys heeeeeeeee-larious! Oh look! It's getting late! You better sleep so you wake up wide and bright for a whole new day of procrastinating.

Sigh. I can never win with my brain because I always surrender immediately. Also, I just realized how many fucking things I really wanna do and how I really couldn't accomplish them because of the lack of time. Sometimes I wish I had Hermione's Time Turner.

Sigh again. Ok back to looking at mock exams.

Wake Up Call

Well, fuck.

I had two whole days to myself and I didn't spend it doing anything productive. You can blame Community for that. You can also blame our Internet connection, which has the stability of an elephant on a trapeze.

Lol. But seriously. It's all my doing. On the bright side, I managed to read two more books and am continually adding to my book goal. On the downside, I have this strange delusion that I have no more books to read when there's a fuckton of books waiting in my bookshelf, so I spent a large portion of the afternoon on GoodReads, looking for book recs.

Which is why I amp posting this note to myself on my blog, so I can reinforce it in my stubborn brain that I need to get up and go do things instead of curling up on the couch like every season is hibernation time.

I kind of really hate anxiety

I had four most wonderful days of downtime.

And on the fifth day, He said, "Well bitch, this is the end of your fun."

I really hate being anxious about things.

/cryptic post is cryptic/

I'll make a proper post when I stop feeling like a ball of yarn.

Oh, the hum of ennui.

I'd really like to say that I've been straying away from this blog because of work, but that is most definitely not the case. This week at work has been my most laid back yet (compared to the weeks before and right after October 2), and I spent a lot of it moping on Gtalk to my good friend, whining "Fuck this shit, I just wanna go home."

There is a perpetual struggle between me and leaving the comforts of my ratty old bed, and I quite like losing the battle.

In any case, this week of semi-lethargy has brought about a very good thing: I'm out of my book slump! I told myself that I had to read 8 books for each month starting this October, a task that verily daunted me, but I managed to pull through and finish it! Granted they aren't the most difficult books I've had to read, but at least I'm reading (actively!) again.

On devouring the written word

You know what my problem is? I forgive myself too much. I give myself too much leeway when it comes to the things I have to do. I believe my excuses when I tell myself, "I'm too sad; it's weighing me down and I need some time to be pointless." I feel too sorry for myself because I think nobody else is going to do it for me.

It's just something I realized when I was tallying up my books from the beginning of the year up to this point. My original goal was to read 50 books (an average of 4 books a month). As of now, however, I have read only 24 books. That's not even half of my goal, and it's already October. By my calculations, I have to read 8 books every month for 3 months to achieve my goal.

I already know I'm not going to reach that goal, but I'm hoping I'm at least close to it by December. The sad thing is, I definitely could have reached my goal if I hadn't spent so much time making excuses and believing in my petty lies. Too much time was spent pointlessly browsing 9gag and not enough time reading a book. And I bought so many books this year, too. I hope by the time December rolls around, I've read at least 40 and next year, I hope I can fulfill my goal for real.

I just finished reading The Mark of Athena (feeeeeeeeeeels) and I'm halfway through The Red Pyramid. At least I'm out of my reading slump.

I am a directionless twenty-something

The hell have I been doing with my life??

This kid is twelve years old and he's already programming in multiple languages. I'm a decade older and I'm still struggling with HTML.

When I get a kid in the future, I'm giving him/her a programming kit instead of toys.

Pandemonium

My work desk is a giant mess, and so is my head.

This is the first day in the entire week that I've had a opportunity to take work easy. Everyone's been so frazzled for an upcoming event, me not excluded. There's been so much work piled up on everyone that I found myself multiple times stopping mid-step and recalling what task I was about to do.

It got so bad at one point that I told my colleague, "I forgot how to spell 'Lualhati.'"

And yesterday, I forgot the shortcut key for moving an element to the bottom in Corel Draw (Shift + Page Down). It's a command I've been using since the beginning of time, and I completely forgot it!

If that's not sabog, I don't know what is.

I'm so disappointed that I don't get to update this blog as much as I want to, despite my new blog-more advocacy. I got even more disappointed in myself while looking over the blogs of two 13 year old girls, who are honestly pretty good (except I forgot their URLS haha). Good content, nice photos, thematic. I wish I could do that for this blog.

Unfortunately, I am very much lacking in two important things: time and resources. I cannot concentrate on a full-blown bongga blog post when I'm worrying about my tasks as I type. Also, I have the shittiest camera in the world and a scanner that doesn't want to cooperate, hence the lack of illustrations/photos and a giant wall of text. Unlike these girls who have DSLRs and iPhones (medyo bitter ako) and only school to worry about. I'm not making "school" seem miniscule; I'm just saying they don't worry about bills and traveling and work. Why am I being defensive about this anyway haha.

This entry has been adequately random. It is now the end of my lunch break and I must now go back to fixing the mess in my desk (and hopefully my head).